Friday, January 7, 2011

Cars Vampires Like

Zoe_Lionheart_100 Okay, you haven’t watched where you’re going, perhaps picked up a handsome hitchhiker at night, who’s now baring his fangs toward you. Be certain he’s not offering to open a can of your favorite soup.

You should know by now that you have failed a basic survival test. But perhaps you can still talk yourself out of the situation? After all, you’re prepared.

You drive around in a Car Vampires Like, so you start to explain all the little details, how you got it souped up, how it’s running and so on. Don’t talk about maintenance cost, fuel consumption or pollution though—those are boring topics Vampires won’t care about. Then, with your nicest innocent smile you ask, “Like to take the wheel?”

If you´re really lucky the Vampire will be off with your car so you can run and hide away until the break of dawn. But rather likely he’ll invite you on the passenger seat so that you can continue explaining the details of your truly cool car.

So what could that be? I won’t talk about “foreign” cars, as most cars are “foreign” in most places. But there are some classes you might consider (without numbering, in no specific order):

•    American muscle cars
You own an AC Cobra? Or a Big Block Corvette Sting Ray? Those are the engines a Vampire likes to hear, those make the vibrations he likes to feel in his teeth. Almost a safe bet!

•    Classic British cars
A classic British roadster, preferably in English lawn green, will appeal to the old school connoisseur, and most Vampires are old school. Regardless if MG, Triumph, Aston Martin or Jaguar, if you can add some stories about the Good Old Empire, you´re relieved.

•    Fine German-engineered cars
You better got an engineer’s grade yourself, as your guest will ask you about each and every detail of the progressive power steering, the variable suspension, the direct-shift gear, the four-valve turbo engine and so on. Almost all types of Porsche will do the trick, but a winged-door Mercedes SL is the ultimate solution.

•    Racy Italian cars
You show style? You can never go wrong with a Ferrari or Lamborghini. Any of them. I needn’t say more.

•    Truly extraordinary
There are a few types of car that might let your Vampire forget all his blood lust. If you can get your hands on an Iso Rivolta, he might even call you friend. Or a well-conserved Duesenberg. You can talk about the difficulties to get spare parts—and maybe he’ll know someone…

You might have noticed I did not mention BMW, Alfa Romeo or any Japanese brand. That doesn’t mean they can’t build fine cars, but you don’t want to waste your life explaining to a Vampire why they could be equally adequate, do you? I neither mentioned the DeLorean, because it is highly unlikely you got one with a working Flux compensator.
Just be sure you didn’t pick the wrong color. Brown is a no-no even with the fastest little runabout.

Now once you’ve spent the larger part of the night preferably on curvy mountain roads, in the morning you go over a crest—dawn welcomes you—poof! you’ve got rid of your Vampire problem.
However, you’ve also got rid of your driver at a hundred miles per hour on a curvy mountain road…

Oh, and one more thing I forgot—this mainly works with male Vampires. For females you might try racy shoes…
Next time I will suggest some ways to make friends with a Vampire.

Stay tuned.

LIONESSWINGSQuickened by her new findings Zoe takes up the fight against the masterminds. But those pull out all the stops, they are prepared to draw entire mankind in a world spanning war. Provided with extensive authority, April and Zoe try to stop the lingering doom.

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1 comment:

  1. I really enjoyed your blog post. I got quite a few laughs. I do have a vampire romance published and one would definatly not want to get away from one of my vampires, very low maintance, they usually require about a pint of blood and theydo have some fringe benefits like minor healing of aches & pains and really hot sex. FYI, my vampires also have to have sex as well as blood to survive. My heroine drives a specially equiped VW and KIA Mini Van, they like to blend in and not stand out so much. My Vamps, with a little care, can go out during the daylight hours, it takes a lot of exposure to the sun to do in one of my vampires.
    G W Pickle