Friday, January 29, 2010

JONATHAN SPEAKS: The onslaught of "Kill Cupid Day"

Okay, so I've finally decided to come out of hiding, only to realize I'll probably have to go into hiding AGAIN. That dreaded month is fast approaching, and that same dreaded month involves stupid pink hearts, frilly things, flowers, candy, and all that goo-goo giggling and sappy love stories girls gush over. SOME GIVE ME A BARF BAG, PLEASE!!!!!! I feel my Cheetos, pizza, mashed potatoes and pickles coming up, and quick.

Is it me, or is that holiday-I-refuse-to-mention (Hey, almost as bad as "he-who-must-not-be-named" for harry potter fans...) just as terrifying as any other commercialized holiday, invented to drive guys insane with worry about what to get their significant others? I can't go anywhere now without being smacked in the head with pink, red and white crap! Chocolate roses be damned! No, I take that back--chocolate is NOT something to be damned, no matter what shape it comes in.

As I'm surrounded by lovely ladies that sway towards the female persuasion instead, can you give a gothy kid who's still a bit agoraphobic some advice on how to approach a girl, or what girls REALLY like? Does anyone take that dreaded holiday serious at all? What makes matters worse for me, is I've talked to a girl onlie for months, and she's thinking about wanting to meet me IN PERSON!!!!!! GAAAAAHHHHHH!

The-holiday-I-refuse-to-mention be damned!

Well, now that I got that out of my system, I'll be back next time to give you folks the details of said event...if they don't go TOO horribly....

Advice, anyone???? waaaahhhh!!!!!


  1. Poor Jonathan, lol. Seeing as girls seem a bit complex to you, you can never go wrong with chocolate as a gift, just don't eat it before you get the chance to give it to her!

  2. I am not much for the holiday, especially the frilly part of it. What I always appreciate is a gift of the more dark and leathery kind. Not sure if that is appropriate for a new girl in your life however, don't want to come on too strong. Perhaps a nice bottle of wine and a home cooked meal. Avoid pink, and avoid hearts.

  3. Jonathan, Tony Bones says never forget your tongue was given to you by a loving God for a few more reasons than just taste or enunciating, he he he.

  4. Chocolate and some special attention...however or whatever that turns out to be!