Friday, November 27, 2009

Blog Interrupted

As some of us have not been properly introduced, allow me to do that now. I am Tamara. I am vampire. Hear me roar. Yes, humor is of the utmost importance in my life as it tends to save many humans from a slow, painful and most heinous death at my hands. With that said, do not think that I have abandoned my role of enforcer when I took over the matriarch position. I can still chew the fat and slice your throat without a second thought.

I am pleased that this blogging humans do has reacquainted me with some of my oldest and dearest friends. Precious Jonathan, it is good to see the years have not changed you. One of my newest fledglings said, she’d see your cheese doodle for a pint, if you’re interested. And Zyra, a werewolf? You have truly outdone yourself now. Anne, I too remember the better times, but it is good to see you evolving into the sunlight. Perhaps you would like to share your secret with the rest of us so we could all meet for lunch one day? And who could forget the sweet, human Delora, who still runs among vampires. Haven’t changed your mind about being turning have you? My offer still stands.

Since Izzy left me, I have befriended a human, not the worse possible fate considering what you’ve gotten yourself into Zyra. ROTFLMAO!

AHEM *cough cough* Oh sorry! Did I do that? My name is Izzy and her highness, Tamara has no idea I hacked into her blog. If she knew she would lose a fang. LOL

Anyways, I just popped in to keep an eye on her holy-royal-corn-cobness. Opps! Guess I shouldn’t have said that. *grin*

I won’t cause too much trouble. No, I can’t promise, sorry. I just never know what will tick Tamara off anymore. She’s been a total bitch lately. I know what you’re thinking and you’re right, maybe I should have told her why I left and maybe I shouldn’t have said all those nasty things, but how else do you think she’d let me leave? Out of the kindness of her heart? Yeah right! I’m a new vamp, she knows I’ll need years of supervision before I can go out on my own. So, I did the next best thing. I ripped her heart apart and handed it back to her. Hey, it’s crude, but she taught me well.

Tamara wrote this long blog about Edward and how he’s an inferior species, but I deleted it. Yup! She’ll know it was me on Friday when this posts. Oh well.

Okay, here’s the thing. I need you, her bestest friends to talk to Tamara on my behalf and explain some things to her. First, tell her to stop stalking me. I’m not going to lose control and bleed everyone I run into. Yuck! I’m a little pickier than that.

Second, this hoochie mama thing she’s started has got to stop! Did she tell you we are united now and that we can read each others thoughts? Well, she didn’t tell me that I could only read her thoughts when she lets me! How am I supposed to get any work done when I can hear her having an orgasm? OMG! She’s turned into a sex addict! Remind her that I command her pleasures! Please? *pouts* Pretty please?

Well, I guess I’ve done enough damage for now. I didn’t delete the invitation because I’m hoping one of you will take her up on it and GO TALK TO HER before things get nasty!

Oh yeah, I do plan on coming home, but if she keeps this up, I may not want to. *holding hands up* Just saying.


In the meantime, know that each and everyone of you, yes Delora, you too, have a standing invitation to hide in my lands until these human holidays blow over.



  1. Lovely Tamara, I think perhaps I am not the only one with her hands full ;)

    And as dreaded christmas approaches I might take you up on that offer of sanctuary.

  2. Oh, that woman infuriates me!

    Is it not enough that I have let her precious "Keeper" live?

    I do not remember love being this difficult.
    Perhaps, I have let my love for her hamper my rational side for too long.

    Zyra, it would be great to have your company.