Friday, March 4, 2011

How To Stay Friends With A Vampire

Zoe_Lionheart_100 Adopt the nocturnal way of life.

Although this seems to be a simple advice, it's neither easy to implement nor as obvious as you might think. Sure, your friend sleeps during the day and stays up at night, but while you might want to go to work to earn your own money, your Vampire has other needs to take care of. So unless you want to spend all and every night having sex — which is not a bad idea if you're careful, just the opposite! — you'll likely have different schedules. For example, you might work in a night club or otherwise in the pleasure business in order to learn new variants from your clients. Or you assume a job that allows you to freely determine your working hours, like freelance graphics or editing. Or you learn Demon hunting, which is an entirely different challenge. I might come back to that topic some day.

But the main point is - by changing your ways of life you show dedication, it makes you appear serious about this Vampire friendship thingy.

* Be considerate — change your desires and nuances

Sharing your household with a Vampire requires some extra care, like with pets or children (sorry, Tamara!). With small children in the house, for example, you wouldn't place sharp knives in their reach or leave a hot burner unattended, would you?

You've decided to live with a Vampire, so you better get used to keep the curtains closed all day. It's not a good idea to have pointy sticks lying around either. You'll ban garlic not only from your kitchen, shopping list and garden but from your entire diet. (Which makes you more attractive for other mortals, too, but that's not the topic here.)

You can't have children with a Vampire, so you don't talk about them. You neither throw them a longing glance when you're out with your friend.

No, you don't want to travel north in midsummer to see the midnight sun. You prefer the long winter nights that allow you to test your mutual sexual endurance.

* Bring news

Although I advised you to change your ways of life, don't discard them entirely. You can go where the Vampire can’t, or better, when the Vampire can’t. You can observe visitor hours, which are usually during daytime. Share your experience, be his eyes. Check out the latest Guggenheim exhibitions and describe it in detail. Remember that the Vampire has a lot of time, so if you need an entire evening to describe your impressions of one painting, that’s okay.

* Don't be over possessive

Vampires live longer than mortals. Much longer. Which means they have their own ways to deal with boredom — there's a special balance between continuance and change. The latter specifically applies to company and entertainment. You must be willing to share your partner with others. When your friend is talking to someone else for hours, don't feel neglected. You'll be there the next night, your friend will be there the next night, but that unique opportunity for a discussion may never come again. You're trying to live a long-term relationship, so feel as if you had all the time in the world.

You must also be willing to share your partner with others for sex. That doesn't mean you have to eagerly agree to a three- or foursome, because that's a rather risky topic, which I'll cover next time, but that you're not the only one — and that you shouldn't have only one.

Remember that you share the responsibility to gather new experience to surprise each other.

But before you endanger yourself by indulging in wild, passionate sex with a Vampire, you have to know how to do it safely. I will elaborate on that next time.

Stay tuned.

To purchase Lioness Wings click here

Quickened by her new findings, Zoe takes up the fight against the masterminds. But when those pull out all the stops, they are prepared to draw the entirety of mankind in a world-spanning war. Provided with extensive authority, April and Zoe try to stop the lingering doom.


Finally he rose and led me from the country house to a modern, H-shaped building. The center wing was paned with large windows on two sides and only hosted a large, low table made of pale wood. Chairs were not available. Across the garden entrance which we had used one could see a little patch of forest.

“I am highly pleased to meet a so attractive connoisseur of our culture,” he introduced the business part in fluent, almost accent-free English. Connoisseur? My knowledge was patchy at best. But I knew a few significant rituals, and not only those concerning martial arts.

“The pleasure is on my side. I was relieved to find such an admirable opportunity to contemplate after the inconveniences of the last days. For this I have gladly changed my plans for the afternoon.”

Smack. He winced like he was hit and faced me directly.

“You’ve got something that is mine.”

“Then I will gladly give it to you. What is it?” There weren’t many options, but I wouldn’t make it too easy for him.

He reached his hand toward the camera which I still carried over my shoulder, and I willingly handed him the device.

“I am highly pleased to have found the right owner so quickly,” I lied. “When I found this object, four persons of dubious origin and manners tried to get it into their possession by questionable methods. It appeared advisable to me to take it into my custody until clarification of the ownership, more so as the mentioned subjects seemed not to be able to apply proper protection to this preciosity.”

Swallow that. Outside I remained cool.

“How praiseworthy.” He continued to examine me. “As it appears, one of these subjects wasn’t even able to watch his pants. Yet I deem it remarkable that you could find it interesting.”

“My wardrobe required urgent amendment. Unluckily it remained impossible so far to replace these tasteless, at best practical pieces. An important business appointment had cropped up.”

He paused. “Well. Otherwise you would surely have tried earlier to make your find available to the lawful owner?”

“According to my own standards I am not appropriately dressed for such an occasion. Indeed I would have preferred to approach it under more classy circumstances.”

“Be it as it is. How should I treat you now in your opinion?”

“It would be kind if your driver could take me back into town.”

He shook his head. “Out of the question. Unluckily I have to admit that your friendliness and your understanding puts me in distress. On no account can I risk that you might tell what you now know to certain other persons. So I fear—”

While he told me this, I intensely listened for conspicuous signals, for example of operated safeties, concentrated breathing noises, the singing of drawn strings, looked around for secret loopholes, dancing shadows and other evidence of an imminent attack.

Thus I saw and heard the approaching missile hissing and riding on a fire-tail over the forest shortly before its impact in our meeting room.

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