I’m a gargoyle. In case you’re not familiar with gargoyles, we’re magical creatures who ward off demons, witches and the like. I’ve never been in a book before, but when my friend Maud asked if it was okay to write her memoirs and talk about me, I said it would be okay. The name of the book is Confessions of a Liberal Lover. It’s a comedy (Maud has a great sense of humor) and it’s available as an e-book at Red Rose Publishing Red Rose Publishing with a Kindle version at Amazon. Amazon Kindle
I don’t think we’ve ever had a gargoyle here before, tell us what makes you special? What differentiates you from your kind? Do you have special abilities?
When Maud won me at a church fair when she was only six, she didn’t even know what a gargoyle was. She thought I was just a plastic statue and even though gargoyles aren’t the most handsome of creatures, she was willing to take me home. She didn’t know I had special powers. She just put me on her dresser and would talk to me for hours. I knew she didn’t have many friends and it meant a lot to her that I was there to listen. I didn’t reveal that I had the power to speak until she was a teenager and started getting involved with boys. That’s when I knew she needed my help.
Tell us about your most current adventure.
Don’t have any definite plans for the future. Maud’s doesn’t really need me anymore since she has Charlie so I’m looking for a home. If anyone knows of someone who is lonely and could use a friend like me to help her think things through, they can get a message to me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Tell us a little bit about your author. Where can we find more of their works? And If you could offer your author advice, what would it be?
E.M. Muller is a strange bird. She didn’t start writing until she was an old broad because she was too busy working and supporting her kids. After she retired, she got mad about the way things were going in this country and wrote a scary political thriller called The Founding Five. If anyone likes those kinds of books you can find it on Amazon.com - The Founding Five
Are you happy with the way people perceive you?
The way people perceive me is not with their eyes, but with their hearts. If a person has a good heart, like Maud, they will probably like me a lot and want me for a friend. If they have a very small heart, all they will see when they look at me is a little plastic statue.
Tell us a little bit about your world.
My first recollections of this world are of sitting on a shelf behind the Lucky Wheel at the church fair where Maud won me by betting that the wheel would stop on the number 25. Actually, I liked Maud as soon as I saw her and used my powers to make the wheel stop on 25. After she took me home with her, my world became her dresser, a Nine West Shoe in the closet, and stuffed into a slipper sock in the back of her underwear drawer. Now I’m just waiting to see where I will end up next.
What kind of music do you listen to?
I have a passion for love songs. My all time favorite is Fly Me to the Moon.
Is there a message you want to get across in this interview?
A woman should never be afraid to reveal to a man who she really is or try to transform herself into whatever it is she thinks a lover wants her to be.
Did you really do “it”?
It.. Oh, never mind.
What other characters have influenced you?
The Good Witch in the Wizard of Oz, all fairy godmothers, Jiminy Cricket in Pinocchio, Kermit the Frog, and George Carlin. I realize George was a real person, but he certainly was a unique character, wasn’t he?
Share a little bit of the ‘real’ you with our readers. Any Dark secrets?
I love to snack on demons.
Do you ever ask your significant other for advice?
I’ve never really had an opportunity to focus on my own personal life.
Have you ever lost control? And what was the outcome?
When you have magical powers like I do, you have to learn to control yourself or you could do an awful lot of harm.
Do you think you are a superior being?
I don’t think of myself as superior to humans, but in all honesty, I am wiser and see things far more clearly than they do. That’s why I tried so hard to help Maud.
What are your opinions on fallen angels?
I have a lot of sympathy for fallen angels who are trying to redeem themselves. I also have a fondness for genies and have known quite a few.
What are the pro’s and con’s to being a gargoyle?
Gargoyles have a lot of power, but when you spend your time trying to help one human, it can get very lonely. It’s also hard to say goodbye when that human doesn’t need you anymore.
How does one become a gargoyle?
One doesn’t become a gargoyle; you have to be created as one. Shape shifters can make themselves look like one, but they will never have the magical powers of a gargoyle.
Describe your best kill. Why was it the best?
Although some gargoyles are into killing, I abhor violence. I even gave up slaying demons and became a vegan. I only wish they would start making gummy demons for me to snack on.
What makes being with a gargoyle the best sexual experience?
Gargoyles are asexual. We don’t have sex—although we fantasize about it a lot.
How old are you?
My spirit has been around for centuries but the form I take changes a bit. When I was with Maud, I was made out of plastic, which is very popular in the U.S., but in the past I’ve been made out of limestone, marble and once in ancient Egypt, I was made completely out of gold.
What’s the oddest thing you’ve seen or done?
The oddest thing I’ve ever seen is Maud’s wedding to Mark Matthews.
Tell us what it’s like to spend a day with you.
No can do. I’m a one woman gargoyle when I’m on duty.
Finally, is there something you wished we had asked, but didn’t?
No, you’ve been very thorough. It’s been a pleasure responding to your questions. Just drop EM a note if you need anything else.