Friday, December 4, 2009

JONATHAN SAYS: "Ho-ho-ho Geeyaarkkk!" (that's Santa getting stangled by ME!)

Okay, rant time for me again.....

It looks like folks lost sight of the true meaning of Christmas ages ago. It's become too commercialized, a day for people to buy gifts, get gifts, complain about the gifts, bad-talk the folks who gave you crappy gifts (and vice-versa!), stress out when someone gives you a gift you think is better than the one you gave them, or wigging out when you forget to give a gift to someone when you get one from them, freaking out when you receive a gift from someone you didn't EXPECT to get a gift from, and not having one for them...ugh! Humans! The list of insanity is endless! Just be grateful to be ALIVE, people, with a roof over your head, food in your belly, good health, good friends, and loving family around you. Life to too short to be sweating the insignificant, meaningless crap! If you were dead, you'd just be lonely, and rotting away in a cold, deep, black hole in the ground. PEOPLE, WAKE UP! ENJOY LIFE WHILE YOU HAVE IT, DAMN IT!!!

And geez, are people RUDER this time of year, or what?!?! (And folks wonder why I can't stand being around humans!) All the pushing, shoving, yelling, arguing, horn honking, finger-flipping, and running around like a zombie with its head cut off! It's SO not worth it trying to enjoy the hell-iday season when you have folks like that all around you!

And then there's the horrid mall Santas! I HATE HATE HATE mall Santas! Why subject your kid to something they don't really wanna do?! If they don't want to sit on Santa's lap, then don't FORCE them! Who cares about taking a stupid fuckin' picture with Santa?!? I unfortunately was traumatized by a mall Santa when I was a little kid, so mall Santas be damned (and beware!!)! I WILL hit all Santas in the head with a ROCK if I see 'em!

Oh, I'm guessing you want to know what he did. Well, not only did he reek of alcohol, but he belched right in my face! His breath was SO foul, I had a weird reaction to his stench and threw up all over his pants! SCREW SANTA!!!! Go crawl in a hole and DIE, you drunk-ass alcoholic!

And all Elves be damned too! Creepy looking little fuckers, with your pointy little ears and shoes and little red noses! You guys been hitting the bottle or something? And those damn jingly-bells on your hats and around your ankles! YEACK! And I NEVER turn on the radio this time of year. The only thing that exists is that godforsaken Christmas music!!! You can only hear about chestnuts roasting on an open fire for so long before you want to chuck the radio out of the window! (or shove those damned chestnuts down someone's throat!) And screw The 12 Days of Christmas! I bet after getting all those friggin' birds as Christmas presents, you'd have bird shit all OVER your house!! Goose poop is NOT small! And neither is swan poop! (I'll take the French hens though...yum-yum! Baked Chicken anyone??)

Whoo boy, did that feel good to get that off my chest. All that talk about chicken got me hungry, so, I'm gonna go and eat some, and have some cheese doodles for an after-dinner snack. :)

See ya next time.

PS-- for those who wanted the link to my free photobook, here it is! :) I'm working on a second one that should be out by next spring. :) Laterz!


  1. Jonathan, three words: Well, two words and one emoticon:

    I <3 you.

    you took the words right out of my mouth when it comes to this time of year. :) And I'm cringing at your Santa incident. Ew.

    You and chicken, I swear! LOL!

    and you know, you have a point about that 12 days of christmas song. With the scares of avian flu--not to mention all the other animal flus out there, gifting birds is a bad choice! ROFL!!

    I'm gonna go snag your photobook now :) You ROCK!

  2. holy shit. I nearly fell out of my chair laughing at this!!

    if it's on thing I learned,it's
    Christmas birds=christmas crap. ROFLMAO!!

  3. OMG! You couldn't have said it better! I can't wait for the these Hellidays to end. Just the other day, we were in the mall and some woman almost ran me over with a stroller. She didn't even apologize, she looked at me like it was my fault I was in her way!

    The hellidays are just an excuse for people to act like the assholes they really are and blame it on some fat guy in a red suit.

  4. Hi izzy!
    Geez, sorry about the dumb bitch who nearly ran you over with a stroller. Fiftyzillion babies crammed in strollers this time of year be damned too, just for you!*grin*