We’ve got our Fangs in
Hi Jonathan, tell us a little about yourself:
Hey! Um…my name is Jonathan G. Schaffer. I like video games, especially RPGs, I like Cheetos, Doritos, and corn chips…and chocolate. Yummy. (Not all combined though, duh.) Um…I have a pet hamster named Worthington McNibbles…um…I HAD a toad that I caught in the woods, but he died. I love Halloween, and in my head, it’s STILL Halloween as far as I’m concerned. I have my own blog--http://kieraandjonathan.webs.com/, I live in the Philadelphia area, and um…well, I’m not supposed to say too much about who I am and where I live; we never know who’s trying to get us, lol. Not that we’re bad or anything, ‘cause we’re not. It’s just that the bad guys don’t like us, lol. And I really don’t want Kiera or Kurt on my ass for saying too much. They’re part of my fam too. We belong to the ABRAXAS clan (http://bloodtouch.webs.com/abraxas.htm) and we pretty much keep to ourselves until someone tries screwing with us. Then we gotta get down and dirty. Hee hee.
Do you have special abilities?
Me? Special? I’m just your average 19-year-old, honest! Who said anything about me being special? I don’t have any superhuman powers, really! I eat, burp, fart and snore just like everyone else! You reeeally wanna know? Okay…I’ll say this much. I CAN do some things that humans can’t. And I absorb energy from folks. Not ALL the time, only when I feel like I need to. I heard my sis Kiera call us ‘pranic vamps’. There’s all types of vamps out there, but that’s what ‘we’ are. I think if I had to actually drink blood, I’d barf all over the person first. Ooo! Or maybe I could barf all over them, and let them slowly disintegrate, and then suck them up with a straw, kinda in the same way flies eat their food. Oh God…I think I made myself sick…
Are you happy with the way people perceive you?
Meh, sometimes I don’t care what people think about me, sometimes I do. I guess it depends on my mood. I don’t like it when people stare at me. But I especially like it when I’m in a really shitty mood and I get the chance to freak people out because of the way I’m acting towards them. The weirder I appear, the better. I mean, my fam says I’m weird anyway, and no one knows me better but them, lol. As long as they don’t care how weird I can get, fine by me. After all, who else do you know can set off a car alarm just by belching?
You've received some fantastic reviews...what do you think about them?
FREAKIN’ AWESOME! *jumping up and down in seat while typing at keyboard* I’d give her a big Cheetos-covered hug if I was close by.
If you could offer one piece of advice to your author, what would it be?
Let us have just ONE day that’s absolutely problem-free….pleeeeeease????
Tell me about your most current adventure.
MISadventure would sound more like it, lol. But again, it really wasn’t a laughing matter. We’ve had demon-possession problems, zombie problems (lol, and poor Kurt can’t stand zombies whatsoever) ghost problems, you name it. We’ve even dealt with people who are nasty to us on occasion for no particular reason BUT to be nasty. You know, come to think of it I’ll take a ghoulie or beastie over a human any day.
But anyway, here’s an excerpt from something pretty touchy (and pretty racy...ewwww) that happened between Christine and Our Lord, Mr. Ryan Price. *slaps hand over mouth* Crap. I keep forgetting I’m not supposed to say that in public, damn it! The story is told in Christine’s words.
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FROM ABRAXAS: SEEING GREEN, BOOK 4 in The ABRAXAS Series--OUT NOW
“As much as I try to savor this, I simply can’t,” he whispered, rubbing his cheek against my thigh. Gentle bites against my femoral artery sent shivers down my spine. His playful nibbling got closer and closer to my clitoris, my anticipation flaming like wildfire.
“My ambrosia,” I heard him say, before I felt his tongue enter me.
I moaned. Probably a bit too loud.
After toying with me for a couple minutes, he crawled up to me, and began a slow, pelvic grind as he kissed the middle of my chest again. Clumsily, I went for Ryan’s belt buckle and tried undoing it. I managed to get as far as his zipper when Kiera’s shrill voice popped into my head.
“Miss C! Do you have Our Lord on his bed?”
“Wow, your voice is loud,” I answered, and snorted. “Turn down the volume a bit.”
“Oh my God--he got you drunk!”
“Not drunk-drunk, but still…”
“Hold on, we’ll be there in a flash!”
Ryan panted, grinding harder against me.
“I want to be in you, Christine,” he whispered, running his hand up my dress, sliding a finger into my tunnel. Uck. That was definitely not his style, and I felt weirded-out as that forced me to focus.
The door burst open, startling us both. Kiera, Kurt, and the others rushed into the room. Ryan whipped around, his eyes flashing a fierce green.
“What is the meaning of this?!” he yelled at them.
“Get off the bed, Miss C! Quick!” Kiera exclaimed.
Without hesitation, I made a leap, but Ryan caught my ankle. I didn’t even get off the mattress.
I yelped, and Kiera grabbed my wrists. Kurt and Jonathan grabbed a hold of Ryan, but he pushed them both away from him with a mere thought. They fell backwards, hitting a table, knocking a lamp over. Fortunately, that distraction was enough for Kiera to pull me away to safety. I fell to the floor with a thud, but I barely felt it. Fear was on my mind more than anything else right then.
Ryan growled and lunged forward, trying to grab me again, but stopped, having flinched in pain. He tried to get off the bed on another side and flinched again. Then, he tried the opposite side, getting the same result. Realizing that he was unable to attack us, he roared in anger. His eyes turned a solid green this time---no pupils, irises or whites whatsoever. Kiera and I clutched each other like two scared little girls at a horror movie.
Kurt and Jonathan slowly stood up.
“You guys ok?” Kiera asked.
“Yeah, just a little stunned,” Jonathan answered. Kurt grimaced at how Ryan looked.
“Eeeek! Miss C, hurry up and say those words you’re supposed to say!”
‘Demon Ryan’ looked at Kurt, then at me, giving another menacing snarl.
“Um…” My brain was so fuzzy! Boy, did this really suck right now! “I command thee, demon of darkness, to…” I ran my hand through my hair, gripping it. “Shit!”
Demon Ryan laughed, and I felt like a million spiders were crawling all over me. “You all are fools! You’ll never be rid of me. I am Ryan Price!”
“Bullshit!” Kiera snapped, turning to me. “Where’s your purse? Didn’t you put the incantation in it?”
“Yeah, but---” I looked around the room in a panic.
“The trap won’t hold him for long without saying the incantation. We have to hurry!” She looked around the room for my bag as well.
“The trap?” I looked all around the bed. “Where is it?”
“Underneath,” Jonathan said. “My idea.”
“Kid’s smart,” Kurt quipped.
“Guys, the purse!” Kiera repeated, and the rest of them crazily ran around, looking for it, too.
Demon Ryan whistled at us. We turned and looked at him. He dangled the purse from his index finger, a snobbish, pointy grin slapped across his face.
“Damn it!” Kiera said. “We gotta get outta here. He’s gonna get loose from the circle!”
I followed her and the rest of the guys out of the room as Demon Ryan roared at us. I felt like an idiot running through the house wearing a torn dress, sans panties, and shoeless. Everyone looked panicked.
“Damn, this is some fucked up shit!” Kurt glanced upstairs. “Should we hide?”
“Yes,” Kiera answered. “But make sure you hide near a demon trap. Go, all of you!”
They dispersed, and I gave her a curious look.
“We’ve been drawing demon traps all over the house. They’re everywhere, hidden so he can’t see them. Jonathan thought of putting one under Ryan’s bed, which was perfect, but--”
“I’m so sorry,” I said, my head clearing up finally.
“It’s not your fault. Maybe it knew that we were plotting something somehow, and just wanted to make sure you wouldn’t be able to do much on your end.”
“If that’s the case, it did a hell of a job. If I wasn’t so buzzed, it’d all be over now.” Suddenly, I gasped. “Oh shit, Kiera! Since it’s in Ryan’s body, it must have gained the ability to read our thoughts!”
Kiera slapped a hand to her forehead, realizing that was a possibility, but she still gave me a confident smile. “Don’t worry, Miss C. We’ll still get him.”
“WHERE ARE YOU?!” Demon Ryan bellowed from the top of the balcony. “I’ll kill each and every single one of you for your treachery! I’ll tear you all to PIECES!”
My heart thudded in my chest, and I swallowed hard. Kiera took my hand and led me towards the tea room.
“Are we gonna hide in the hooch parlor?” I asked quickly.
“Just behind the wall. I drew a sigil there, just in case.”
We pulled the wall back, stepped behind it, and pulled it closed until there was nothing more than a crack to peek through.
Demon Ryan rushed into the room and looked around, his hair disheveled, his expression evil and dark, circles under his eyes and his face gaunt, green eyes glowing bright. He sniffed the air, paused, then slowly turned his head in our direction. He grinned, showing his pointed teeth again.
Was he looking right at us?!
He rushed towards the wall, and I got that nasty, ice-ball feeling in the pit of my stomach as Kiera pulled me down the hallway, past her secret room.
“I don’t know. I haven’t explored any further than the room I hide out in,” she answered in a tiny voice. “Shit, what do you think it’ll do to us?”
“Don’t know,” I replied, getting winded as I tried keeping up with her. That girl could move fast when she wanted to.
The floor was cement, and freezing cold. My toes felt like ice cubes and tingled in pain. A few spider webs stuck to my face and shoulders, feeling sticky.
The end of the hall led to a small staircase going up and to another door. Not knowing what lay behind it, we tiptoed up the steps and opened the door very slowly.
The kitchen! We both breathed easy for now. Demon Ryan wasn’t around.
We couldn’t even hear ourselves walk across the floor, but I got the feeling someone was here. I looked around. Jonathan was huddled in a ball in the corner beside the refrigerator, watching us. He pointed up to the ceiling, and I noticed a demon-trapping sigil drawn on it, nearly as wide as the ceiling itself. Smart place to add one. Demon Ryan would never see it if he were to walk in here. I nodded at him and Kiera and I continued walking.
We went across the dining hall, quiet as mice. Unfortunately, the ceiling here was too high for them to put a sigil there, but there was a ton of them drawn all over the floor. We spotted Dino and Kim in opposite corners of the room. We nodded at them too, and they returned the gesture.
In the living room, we looked around for Kurt and Dennis, but didn’t see them. Kiera’s grip on my hand was so tight, I was losing circulation in my fingers.
Demon Ryan literally jumped from out of nowhere, causing me and Kiera to scream bloody murder. He snarled at us, drooling, green eyes gleaming. This demented version of Ryan scared me shitless.
It all happened too fast. He knocked Kiera upside her head, and she went flying halfway across the room, landing with a dull thump. Her limp body skidded a few yards across the hardwood flooring, and stopped.
“KIERA!” I screamed, then Demon Ryan put a stranglehold on my neck, crushing me flush against his body as I tried tearing his arm away so I could breathe.
It was a cheap move, but I hoped it would work. Grabbing his arm again, I bent forward, lifting him off his feet, if only just a few inches. It definitely did surprise him as I let our combined weight guide me backwards to the wall that contained his medieval weaponry. I slammed his back against it with a heavy-sounding thud, and nearly all the weapons rained down around us, clattering to the floor. I heard the air woosh out of his lungs. He let go of my neck and fell to his knees as he coughed and gasped for air. I threw my energies at Demon Ryan, suspending him in mid-air for a moment before pushing him ten feet away from me. He fell and gave a grunt. I ran past him, getting away.
“NO!” he bellowed, and the muscles in my body stiffened. I fell to the floor hard, my heart pounding. I felt like I was suffocating, the air around me cold, heavy, and crushing, as if I had been immersed in wet cement.
Raising more energy, I pushed Abraxas’ powers outside of myself, encasing my body in a bubble of warm light, disintegrating the negative energy surrounding me. Once my limbs were able to move freely again, I threw another ball of white-hot light at Demon Ryan, who screamed out in pain and fell to his side, clutching his ribs.
I got to the foyer and raced up the staircase. Dumb move! I should have ran out of the mansion! I felt as stupid as those girlie victims in horror movies who always ran up instead of out whenever they were trapped in a building or house, all the while being chased by some undead, crazy, serial killer. Common sense would have told anyone to leave. I guess it has a tendency to allude you when you’re in a panic.
From a short distance away, I heard Ryan growl again, making the hairs on my neck rise. I didn’t know what his problem was--aside from me smacking him with my energy--but I didn’t want to use my more forceful powers on him either. Who knew what would happen to him, or what affect it would have on me.
He bounded up the stairs by twos, grabbed my ankle, and I fell on the steps with a thump. He clambered over me, and flipped me over so I would be facing him. He held my wrists down. That solid, gross, zombie-like color was gone from his eyes, but his irises remained bright green. He wore his usual suspicious look and smirked, raising an eyebrow at me, giving a slight sniff of arrogance.
“Going somewhere…my dear?” We were nose to nose.
“I--I--” I stammered. The hard edges of the steps were really biting hard into my back and arms.
“Did you honestly think these little games you and Kiera were playing around the house would work? Did you really think you had me fooled?” His grin grew wider.
How long did he know? “So…we were both trying to play each other for fools. Whoop-de-fucking-do,” I replied in a snide tone.
“A sad and pathetic raggedy bunch of so-called vampires can’t stop me,” he hissed. “You, who’s too afraid to use the powers you’ve been given, and your ‘mate’ being just as bad, while being absolutely sick in love with you. You both couldn’t have been an easier target.”
“Target?” I echoed. “What the hell are you talking about?”
Demon Ryan's eyes flickered an even brighter shade of green. Any more and they’d look neon.
“That stupid witch had abilities I already possess. Hanging around her was starting to prove useless, until I found out she knew your mate, Ryan Price, who has powers I’ve always dreamed of possessing. The powers of Abraxas.” He took a deep breath, calming down. “Then I discovered you share the same power!” His grin widened. “One of man’s biggest sins is jealousy, and once I realized how much he covets you, it was all too easy to invade him.” He ran his cheek against mine, and I heard him inhale deeply. God, nothing could describe how badly this was freaking me the hell out. I wished I had something nearby to knock him unconscious with.
But then he distracted himself. “I love the scent of your skin. Like cherries and blackberry wine…” He ran the tip of his tongue around the edge of my ear, making me shiver. But it wasn’t Ryan’s tongue; it was too slender, too snakelike. Good thing I couldn’t see it---I might have screamed.
“I can see why he’s so passionate about you,” he continued, pulling back slowly. He looked into my eyes, then, very predator-like, he covered my throat with his hand. I gasped, the knot in my stomach tightening more. He tilted my head to the side slowly, exposing my neck.
“I could kill you right now with a flick of my wrist,” he whispered. “But it would be such a waste…”
The look on Demon Ryan’s face was very calm and almost seductive. Now holding my shoulders down, he leaned forward, licking me from the base of my ear, then down my carotid artery, and around to the hollow of my throat. My heart was beating so fast, I thought it would explode.
Slowly, his tongue slid up the middle of neck. I grimaced. He continued going under my chin, following the curve of it, then brushed my bottom lip. I closed my eyes, too afraid to---
Don’t look Christine, don’t look!
Sometimes I wished I listened to my inner-self.
It took all the strength and will I had in my bones not to shriek, as I caught a glimpse of that forked, blood-red, snakelike tongue retracting itself back into Ryan’s mouth.
“I want to taste you, Christine,” he whispered softly, his breathing quickening, the look in his eyes deadly as he tightened the grip he had on my shoulders.
I panicked, fearing the worst. Snakes could smell with their tongues, and I half-wondered if he was smelling my blood under the surface of my skin.
I swallowed, then bravely gave a half-hearted laugh.
“You’ve done that---quite a few times now.”
“I want...to taste...a different essence,” he replied, and before I realized it, he flashed a pair of fangs and dove for my jugular.
Is humor important?
Humor makes the world go round...or used to. I think nowadays, it’s being superficial, deceitful, empty and soulless that’s the latest fashion. Image is everything these days, but ‘image’ is only an illusion and shallow in itself. Geez, can’t find a decent person nowadays, it’s so HARD to! I like humor much better. Especially weird humor. Or dark, twisted humor…nothing’s wrong with a little giggle, slap & tickle--and a splash of blood to go with it!
Is expressing love difficult for you?
I’m a love-expresser, really! It’s just that I don’t get a chance to, except with my fam. I had a girlfriend briefly in Junior-high, I remember. She was an outcast, just like me, so we hung out a lot. She let me taste her eyeball once, too. It was salty. A shame she moved out of state. That was the worst. Never tasted another eyeball ever since.
How do you feel about other vampires?
I never thought I’d say it, but A LOT of our own kind can be a REAL pain in the pooper! And to be honest, I have no qualms with werewolves, mainly because they don’t bother me (And I’ve never met one yet) Witches are 50/50. Kiera knows a lot of magic and even has an inherited book of spells, so I guess that makes her a witch. Then you have crazy-ass necromancers that need to be permanently kept in a rubber room like Our Lord’s former fiancé…whoo-boy was THAT a mess for poor Christine to discover…. And ghouls and zombies I think are pretty cool, and sometimes even funny to me, (try to ask Kurt that question though, ha!) but definitely NOT cool when they’re attacking us!
Share a little bit of the ‘real’ you with our readers. Any Dark secrets?
Well, I can burp and fart on command. Comes in handy for clearing out small cramped rooms or elevators…Kiera lovingly called me ‘Captain A-Bomb’ once, and I’m wondering if that meant ‘ass-bomb’….?
Is there a question you wish I had asked but didn’t?
How long do I keep the same pair of socks on…hee hee.
Is there a message you want to get across in this interview?
Message? (GOTHS ROCK!) What message? (GOTHS ROCK!) I’m just here to chat (GOTHS ROCK!) and get to know everybody! (GOTHS ROCK!) *grin*
ABRAXAS: Seeing Green, Book 4
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