Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Ah, Responsibility

Last week I was whining about marriage and being jittery about the whole affair of how it was going to work out. There are obviously a number of concerns when it comes to being a vampire and outliving your mate is only one of them. That aside, there are always other concerns and I really need a place to jot some of these worries down.

One thing that I’ve noticed about my life is that I can’t seem to make it a single decade without something crazy happening. Whether it’s being stalked by someone (or something in some cases), attacked by ghosts, or drawn into conspiracies, my life has never been boring for long. I have some theories as to why this is.

Many people suggest that power attracts power but this could easily be changed to say energy attracts energy. What I mean by that is who we are attracts who we are supposed to be with. A musician finds themselves surrounded by other people who play music and it’s not even a conscious decision. Writers to writers, criminals to criminals, etc, etc.

One could argue that these happen simply because these are the directions that people move. Musicians need other musicians to play. Criminals plan bigger heists that require compatriots. That’s also true but when we make our decision to do something, we live in that world and are thereby bound to it. Even giving up for a time won’t help forever. There’s always a chance to end up full circle where we began.

For me, I seem to have picked up some kind of supernatural ‘scent’. Creatures and the weird have found me so many times I’ve lost count and this is another major worry when it comes to marriage. What if some thing that I attract hurts him? And then there are all the times that I end up in the middle of some kind of supernatural grudge match. Call me paranoid but I know it’ll happen again.

The paranormal world holds as many bizarre creatures as you can imagine. From shape shifters to spirits to demons to vampires, they’re all out there and often times, they don’t have purely benevolent purposes in mind. A schism forms. There are those who choose to champion humanity and those who… well, don’t.

The thing is that light and dark, good and evil, those concepts are irrelevant. Some might believe that helping human beings makes a vampire evil. They would argue that humans have screwed up the earth and simply hurt each other. There’s no reason to protect them. Likewise, those that I’ve considered evil have often had some really strange justifications for what they do. If you want to figure out whether something is safe, you have to find out how they do what they’re doing, not what they’re doing.

It’s not always easy to see of course. The point behind demons, for example, is to deceive at the base level. The purpose for pulling the wool over our eyes tends to vary from creature to creature depending on what they ‘embody’. Some involve lust, others involve fear, and so on. Finding out what they thrive on is usually the first step in stopping them.

I can carry on and on about all these monsters and creatures that roam the world but the bottom line is that I find myself in a major dilemma. Something is surfacing from the past and threatening my way of life. Again. I’m tired of it but I can’t escape it. I want that normal, elusive life but I feel like I need to simply embrace what I am. Defying one’s fate is like sailing against the wind. Is the futility worth the potential reward? Is there a reward in ignoring the self?

An even better question bounces around in my mind: can I live some semblance of a normal life while contending with the freakish side of my nature? Answering that could resolve all my issues… or further condemn me into misery.

Responsibility is a pain in the ass.

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