Friday, February 4, 2011

How To Make Friends With A Vampire

Zoe_Lionheart_100 Not that I’d really recommend it. For a mere mortal, being friends with a Vampire is a safe way to frustration. Why? Think about it: You can never share a beautiful sunset. You can be the best cook in the world, and he/she will simply give you a polite compliment of which you know it’s a lie. You will grow old, your Vampire mate is still looking young as ever. Forget about vacation overseas, unless you like to pretend you’re in the coffin business. Forget about Greek food. And so on.

Okay, there are advantages, too. You’ll probably never have to worry about tan lines or skin cancer, if you adopt your friend’s nocturnal way of life.

The easiest way to become friends with a Vampire is the virtual way, that is, in a social network like Facebook or MySpace, where you initially don’t face the risk of being bitten. However, Vampires may use this networking to contact new victims. Be cautious if you’re invited for a real-life meet. If in doubt, insist on meeting outside on a bright sunny day.
Offering yourself for a blood donation is a promising way to a deep and short-lived friendship. Regardless if you’re just bitten or transformed, if you act that submissive, you’re a slave, not a friend.

*Looking around* See, you’re currently visiting a blog that’s frequented by “nice” Vampires. The ones who are able to control their bloodlust to a certain extent. Some even have mortal friends, and to them it has worked out so far, but don’t think you can easily copy it.

So what can you do? Yes, there are a few things that may help. For one, you should work on your education. A broad cultural knowledge will at least let you appear level with an old Vampire. Being able to discuss Wagner, Nietzsche, Joyce, Shakespeare and the like lets you appear as a partner worth to keep for a while. Throw in a profound knowledge on contemporary art and literature and you may catch a Vampire’s curiosity.

Let’s start with art. Have you heard of Keith Haring or James Rizzi? Can you sing some lines from “Angie”, do you know Madonna’s cup size? Can you quote Harry Potter? Do you know all the locations where Lord of the Rings has been shot? And are you able to list the titles of all Star Trek sequels, TV and movie?

If not, compensate it with literature. Vampire stories are fun – if they make the Vampires look good. (Some authors on this blog offer suitable material.) Otherwise avoid the topic of Vampires entirely – specifically stuff like “Buffy” – and talk about entertaining action stories like my Zoe Lionheart series. I promise – Vampires will love it.

Once you’re involved, you have to keep up his/her interest. How to stay friends with a Vampire? I’ll elaborate on that next time.

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  1. I think it all depends on the character of the individual vampire and that of the individual non-vampire. As a vampire expert, I think that the main thing that you have to worry about here is respect. You have to find a way to let them know that it would not be good for them to attack you. A lot of vampires do actually have morals and consciences, so this may well be easier than you think. There are two methods of doing this.
    The first one is to just wait for a good moment to approach them and use a good excuse to do so. Pretend to be doing and survey and, as one of your later questions, ask how they are feeling. For another question, ask them to describe their attitude. If they are lonely and they tell you that they are very friendly and/or caring or have another similar positive attribute, and their body language tells you that they are not lying, this could work out. Try offering to spend time with them and then just chatting casually with them.
    Once you feel that you have built your friendship up to a high level, it may be okay for you to start politely questioning them about their kind. When your friendship is at an even higher level, it may be okay for you to start discussing vampire legends and stories with them, if you wish to do so.
    If the vampire ever gets to the point of really needing it, you could consider giving them some of your blood by cutting yourself slightly and then letting the cut bleed out into a dish or onto a plate before healing the cut up (if you can still see the blood and/or the cut, please be sure to put a plaster or band aid over it before proceeding) and then giving the blood to your vampire pal. However, giving into them every time they ask for your blood is probably not a good idea because, as the writer of the article was saying, this could lead to your becoming a slave to them.