Friday, July 23, 2010

Obituary of Common Sense

I couldn’t have said this any better:

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults are in charge, not children)

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Airport Security and the Healthcare Reform Bill only worsened his condition.

Common sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common sense lost the will to live when he heard that, even the predominantly catholic Argentina extended equal rights to gays, while the United States continued it’s open discrimination.

Common sense took a beating when criminals started receiving better treatment than their victims, and teenagers decided that having anal sex would save their virginity.

Common sense was moved into an Intensive Care Unit, after hearing about the Gulf Coast Oil Disaster.

Common Sense was placed on life support after the statement that the current  administration will Support an Anti-Israel Resolution at the U.N., and that Elena Kagan at Harvard, "proceeded to forge the law school's 'Islamic Finance Project." It's purpose, according to McCarthy, was "to promote Shariah compliance in the U.S. financial sector."

Common sense took his last breath when he heard that Arizona was being sued for upholding the requirement that immigrants should carry and be able to produce their immigration papers.

Common sense was preceded in death, by his parents, truth and trust
His wife, discretion
His daughter, Responsibility
His son, reason.

He is survived by his 6 stepbrothers:
I know my rights
I want my rights
I want it now
I’m a victim
Dim-wit and

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on if not, join the majority and do nothing.

This is a very modified version of a text that's originally attributed to Lori Borgman (

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