And just when the world spins normal...

Marriage is really weird… and it’s funny to say, but at well over one hundred fifty years old, I’m kind of scared. I have often heard that a proposal isn’t nearly as much of a shock as a woman lets on. Sure, the time and place can catch one off guard but if a girl has no clue that her man is going to offer his hand in marriage, she’s as unobservant as I was.

The night that I received my proposal was amazing. He invited me over to his house for a romantic dinner. I had prepared for consuming real food all day long and never wondered for a second what was special about that Wednesday evening. Neither of us had really finished any major project or had cause for special celebration. I just figured he was being the special man he always was.

When he actually presented me with the ring and asked me, the shock on my face was entirely genuine. Without a second thought, I accepted. I didn’t think about what I had hidden from him (being a vampire wasn’t really polite conversation I guess) or the fact that he would eventually figure some things out. The ageless thing would be really tough to pull off, you know?

Days passed and crazy events interrupted my thoughts but then I was thrust back into reality. Paying bills, working on art, and planning a wedding—planning a wedding!! I didn’t really have friends that would tell me I was nuts. I had to work that out myself but I loved this man entirely too much to give up. I had to find a way to make it work and I was certain that he loved me enough to take it all in stride. Or at least not run away screaming (that’s the trick, right?)

But I’m not sure how to deal with it. Time flies for me and so I have to really pay attention or I’ll screw this up in a major way. Do I tell him outright and hope for the best? Do I offer to change him? I haven’t tried to do that in such a long time, I barely remember how! Do I trust to fate and just say ‘screw it, things will work out’? That last one seems terrible irresponsible and selfish.

And that brings up a fine point: am I just a selfish bitch for even contemplating this? Would it be better to find a way to break things off and give him the chance to meet a normal woman who could give him crazy things like children and a life together that you know… ends? I don’t even know anymore. I’m like a crazy chicken hoping for my head to be cut off but no one will come near me to do it.

That just means I’m desperate for answers and have bad metaphor skills. I was hoping that writing it down would help but I swear, I’m only more confused. I hate to flounder and all but there it is. Maybe I’ll have an epiphany or an email or a visit from God saying ‘Woman, I don’t have a damn clue what you’re about!’. I wonder what would be stranger… this working out or a visit from the divine?

The miracle would be in figuring this out alone. All else would just be day to day living.

Sigh.